12th December 2008 - it has been 11 years since my Father passed away. A lot of people presume the longer it has been the easier it is to cope with the loss of a loved one. That's the advice I received when my Father passed away - 'it will get better within time' a lot of people said to me. But I don't think it has anything to do with the word 'better', you just learn to live with the loss.
Its not a easy process either, and in fact I feel the older I get, the more I think about my Dad. I think about what he would tell me when I'm second guessing myself, I think about everyday that could have been but never will be and I think of our relationship and what it could have been today.
But when I think of every anniversary that approaches, I think to myself 'how will I feel this year' and in all honesty I've felt exactly how I have felt for the last 11 years. It feels like I'm reliving everything again, but this time I know how it ends.
You see when October and November arrives, I don't have that excitement of my birthday month is approaching nor of the winter festivities. But what I do get are memories, the resurfacing of those emotions - the overwhelming ones.
12 years in December. If you ask me how I feel, I'll tell you I feel no different than December 2008.
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